Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Well...here we go again.

So, some time in July we decided to start trying again.  Just not preventing pregnancy, really...not actively trying.  We're not the couple to chart and take temperatures and all those things I am just beginning to understand from my TTC friends.  Regardless, and true to our form, we didn't have to wait long.  We're expecting our third child. 

I cannot wrap my mind around the idea that we have three children now! 

Anyway, after the shock wore off, we got right down to business.  Because we have a plan this time. 

Let's get honest here.  I have a list of regrets a mile long from Carpenter's birth.  Well, not regrets--that's not really fair.  More like a list of "Wow, if only I hadn't been so blissfully innocent I would have planned for this stuff" things.   So I'm going into this with every intention of making the most I can of every moment.  If I only get a few weeks with this child, it's going to be a few quality weeks.  Hence the plan.

Step One was to tell everyone.  Yes, I'm only 4 weeks along.  No, we're not waiting for the first trimester to end.  Why?  Because there's no guarantee we'll get that far.  If this were all the time we got with this baby, I would want everyone to know as soon as possible.  That way, I could openly mourn and talk about our baby without getting the crazy look that says, "You were pregnant?"

Step Two?  Come up with a nickname.  A friend helped us work through that issue which was seemingly unsolvable.  Meet our little M&M, paying homage to the girl and boy names we've selected which both start with M.  Why a name?  Because if this baby were to sneak off to heaven before we found out the gender, I'd want something to put on keepsakes. 

Step Three, and obviously the most important early step we can make:  Talking to our doctor.  I want to know that if I'm freaking out on a random Wednesday, my doctor won't hesitate to bring me in for a heartrate check.  Extra scans?  I'll need those.  So, based on the suggestions of Carpenter's awesome nurse, I switched practices.  (And that has made all the difference...but that's another post.)

I can hear some of you now, freaking out a little, worried that I'm just waiting for this pregnancy to end.  Well, no.  That's not the case.  Yes, I am trying to prepare for that possibility, because I am no longer naive.  I can no longer ignore little twinges and ticks.  

What I'm really doing is making sure that M gets the best chance possible at life.  That no message from M or my body is ignored.  And in the event that M never got to come home, this baby and I are going to form a bond that could hold us until I get to heaven. 

For now, I am definitely 4 weeks pregnant, and we couldn't be more excited.  

We have three kids now!